I Fell In Love All Over Again

I fell in love all over again.

This was different because it was

Not with a lover or with a friend.

But instead with the person it took me forever to apprehend.

I fell in love all over again.

With their poise

Their beautiful internal noise

Their obsession with Sci-fi and Funko Pop toys.

I fell in love all over again.

With this person that at once I despised.

Sadly falling prey to all the external lies.

Only seeing the failures of growing pains.

Bad decisions and childish games.

I fell in love all over again.

Found the worth of the one once deemed worthless.

Found the sanity in the lunatic.

Found the heart in the heartless.

Found the truth in the liar.

Found the voice in the mute.

I fell in love all over again.

This time with a person of strength and valor.

A person who's scars are beauty marks left by life lessons.

A person of humility and evolving grace.

A person who has redressed their fears and used them to elevate.

Yes, I've fallen in love again.

I'll pick them everytime.

Because this person is so fine and I'm glad they're mine.

I love them in every way.

Cherish them more everyday.

I fell in love again.

And I'm happy to say this feeling is here to stay.

I love me some me and she love me.

You're No Good for Me

It's not normal for me to say this
It's even more unlikely that I'll admit this
But at 3 am when I'm needing you and you out with them
I can say it
You're no good for me

Don't get me wrong
I'm going to miss each inch
Each time you caress to a slow song
Each nibble and bite
Each time you say something that ain't right
See I know it's feel good during the late night
But then comes daylight to remind me
You're no good for me

See I want you bad like Jazmine Sullivan
I want you as a lover and a friend
But I guess I have to tell you again
You're no good for me

No good...
Simple wishes based on empty kisses
Night time dreams turned to another lonely scene
I go to bed with you and wake up in my own arms
At first it did no harm but now I can see through the charm
See through the game
See through my own personal shame
That at nights there are truthfully times I was sing, moan, and groan your name
But no matter what I know that

You are no good for me

It's Been A Year

It's been a year since the day I realized I would face my fears and cry more tears.

It's been a year since I came to realize what I between my thighs can't keep him around if he calling her wife.
Lying to me about changing my life and making things right.
It's been a year since I had to let him go.
Since I had to admit that I know he won't change.
Since I told him to go and it will be fine.
Since I saw him dance while going like I had destroyed his time.
It's been a year.

It's been a year since I asked you to go.
Since you destroyed my life and love it so.
It's been a year of rough nights.
Cold and nervous.
It's been a year of hurt and disservice.
It's been a year.
Tear after tear and day after day but still I fight to keep my life a certain way.
It has been a year.

Since I almost lost my angel without wings?
When I thought I would never again hear her sing.
Truly I seemed composed but only God really knows.
Wanted to fight the priest days before Christmas because he thought you wouldn't be with us.
I knew it wasn't time but everyone else i had to remind.

It's been a year and I smile like the devastation never came.
That when I hear your name those tear stains don't remain.
It's been a year of turmoil but I fight to not let a devil like you steal my joy.
Although you may hate me, my life you can't destroy.
It's been a year, and we've all come to terms that out of 91 years the time we spent with you is our blessing and you prepared us to each face our fears.

Lord give me strength for the next year.

How long...

I have to wonder how long this will last
How long before all the whispers pass
I have to put others in consideration
How long before I am selfish once again
I have to care what they think
I have to hear what they say
How long before I turn away
How long before I can't make it to the next day
I cry myself to sleep
And when awake never let out a peep
How long before I explode
And no longer hold back
Letting my story unfold

How long is all I can wonder
How long is all I can ask
How long will my pain last
How long will thins single tear roll down my face
How long will I hide and be lost without a trace...
~WLJ

A friend...

A friend like you I've search
In the stores,closest and secret places
Behind closed doors, big buliding even staring at the ceilings
Its hard to believe that all along you would just appear
A friend so close
A friend so dear
I will kepp you near
And you'll help me through my rough days
Help me through my ups and downs
And even the depression phase
A friend like you I have been searching for
And thanks to the almighty God I search no more
~WLJ

It seems...

It seems I'm on a stage
My life is like a book
And people read every page
They don't understand the lines
They never read the words
Only listening to summaries that they've heard

My friends are like mountains
My friends are like wings
They stand tall and strong
Like the natural fortress protecting all the lil things
They sings words so sweet
That allow my heart to continue to beat

You are my cane
When I can no longer walk up right
You are my light
When I can no longer see at night
You are my friend
When I feel that I am alone
You are my sister
When it seems I only get dialtone
You are my eyes
When I can no longer see
You my ears
When the truth needs to be heard
And I rather it not be
You are my mouth
And help me to speak up
Allow my words to be clear

You are my fortress, my sister, my left hand
You are a blessing my dear
~WLJ

What Liberates Me

Whatever Liberates Me

Whatever liberates me
I do not know
Is it the words I hear
Or what I see in my favorite show

Whatever liberates me
I don't not understand
Is the hug from a friends
Or the smile from a gentle old man

Whatever liberate me
Will set me free
Allow me to understand all I can be

Whatever liberates me
If different for you
A shining star
Or a kiss under the moon

Whatever liberates me
Will set me free
Free from the pain
Free from shame
And indignity

Whatever liberates me
I think I can share
My poetry
My song
A person playing in my hair

Whatever liberates me
You can not have
For it will be there
Present to the past.

Whatever liberates me
My dear its clear
My liberation has no fear
~WLJ

D- Thea I go

If loving someone was easy why do we have heartbreaks, if loving you is hard should I give up or keep faith
We both know I'm not a sentimental guy like that and it clearly shows, but with the change of events going on who really knows
They say it's the small things that draw a women heart not the money or reputation,  so I figure I'll try something different to increase our love elevation
I know every time I get on your nerves you say "why he got to make this so difficult", it's just who I am to aggravate you to see if our love can reach its pinnacle
Very beautiful and educated with that gorgeous smile, to think about it I am smiling now while writing all this down
Yes I am very bipolar in in a relationship one moment I'm tripping the next I'm lovie dovie, blah blah blah all that stuff shut up and make me your hubby
I hurt you, I made you cry something a man should never do to his queen,  becuh I did all those things do I degrade from being ya king?
Love is found in the darkness while hope lives in hell, faith is only in who's heart while our mind in victim in jail
I learned that from personal experience coming up because people say god will handle your relationship, but for the physical part of its a manual trip
I love you with all I have in me and that's just the truth, god honest word I'll leave this earth trying just to have a better world for you.

D- Hidden Confessions

This is for my current fiancee but future wife, the one who nerves I get on but want to cuddle at night
We have had our share of smiles, disagreements , and borderline break up moments, I can have any woman but this heart u own it
Everyday I realize I fall deeper inlove wit u as time rolls on, constantly wanting to spend time with you even if its on the phone
I love being with u and having all your time, when you step out I have a sigh
I never changed myself completely for a woman, you everything a man could need and want
I cant express how much I love you only if you can read my mind, heartx and soul,  you would be amaze I appreciate you more than ever lasting diamonds and gold

If my heart could speak (Unfinished)

If my heart could speak
What would it say
Other it hates to feel this way
Broken and down
Silently crying
Feeling that the love is slowly dying

If my heart could speak
Whst would it say
That I know I can't live without him
Not even one day
But sadly if I had to
I would make away

??

Listening to the rain makes me smile
Haven't been this happy in a while
Can hear his grandma say look at this child

Then I snap back to reality
And listen again
I hear the wind call to me
Sound like my friends
Loosing me in the melody and giving way to my better taste

I close my eyes
And realize
This makes no sense
Hence
I smile since I lost all the pretense

Benefit of Doubt

I want to give you the benefit of doubt
But my mind won't let it go
Been hurt one to many times
Care or really know

It's a damn shame that heart has turn this way
Even the sincere kisses don't make me want to stay

I want to give you the benefit of doubt
Its just the fear that's in me
Keeping me a prisoner
To stop the tears from coming free

I don't have an ice box where my hear used to be
Instead my hearts in safe
Secure away from eyes to see

I want to give you the benefit of doubt
Sadly I no longer know how
Its crazy though
I am wondering now

I want to give you the benefit of doubt
And since I want to maybe I will
Every queen deserves a king
And as they say
Only time will tell

Confidant

Confidant

It seems that there are many different types of people that walk in and out of a person’s life. But for some reason they never seem to leave without leaving some kind of footprint behind. I never quite understood why that was so but after being on this Earth for twenty years it’s become clear, that they leave footprints so that you know which directions you want to go in life. Some people leave footprints that you will never follow while other leave behind the perfect trail to where you want to be. But no two people have the same footprint; therefore no two people will have the same exact path.

Now on my path in life I have come to see that there are people in life that I want to be like and those that I can not stand to even think of their names but either way that proves they have left a lasting impression on my life. They have either been the source of my nights of joy and happiness or the cause of the tears and fears that I still try to fight and hide until this very day. The problem is that there is something about the path that I have walked down that has caused me to become the person that people trust and enjoy to be around. I am the person that even though I am almost a foot shorter than most of my friends, they will slouch down to use my shoulder to cry on or lean on during their weakest moments. There is something about my aurora that causes people to see that inside of me lays the journal that they have been searching for and have always had the key. And some how with each time that they talk to me I become a new person’s confidant. I become the diary that is supposed to last until one of us goes somewhere and who knows where that may be or the person that I supposed to be there for a life time. But for some unknown reason even to me, I refuse to have only one person that I confide in and in all honesty that is the source of a great deal of problems that I face. If you have no one person that you can trust enough other than yourself to unload your woes and worries, fear and tears, then all that is left is for them to fester inside of you and grow into something that could one day honestly kill you.

To be someone’s confidant is one of the best and worst things possible and very few realize that. I mean by no means would I ever turn down the chance to be there for someone but at the same time the responsibility can be seen as a burden at times. There are moments when you simply want to break free from having people think or believe or even “know” that they can trust you above everyone else, because truth be told most confidants don’t even know if they can trust themselves.

If you are the type of person that finds it hard to trust others then how in the world do you know how to be trusted?

When do you know that a secret is a secret and what can be told?

Why did they choose to tell me this information, is it some kind of test?

Do I go on in life and not talk about it again unless they bring it up or do I act like they never said a thing to me?

See those questions right there are only a few of the questions that can drive a confidant insane and they are not that easy to answer either.

Loneliness

People are afraid of a number of things that others may find to be quite ridiculous but none-the-less, a persons fear can be paralyzing. Although people will try to fight it or act like everything is fine in their lives, they all have some fear or phobia that alters the way they perceive their surroundings or the way they act. 

For me I have several fears that I am not at all ashamed to admit: stairs (Bathmophobia), heights(acrophobia), birds (Ornithophobia) and most of all loneliness/ rejection. The first two I have been able to live a normal life and conquer them in one way or another by running up and down stairs to getting on a roller-coaster. In the midst of me conquering those two I have never been able to shake the fear of being alone, until now. 

Autophobia is something that starts from birth and some people grow out of it sooner than others. In order to get over the fear of being alone you have to come to terms with the idea that at one point or another you will be PHYSICALLY alone. That does not mean that you are alone in the world or that you are unloved but that at that very moment no one is PHYSICALLY around to keep you company. Once I was able to grasp that concept these are the things that I did to help get over my fear:

1. Preoccupy my time with favorite hobbies that do not require others company (ie reading, blogging, writing, planning surprises etc)
2. Surrounding myself with people who genuinely care about me and my well being
• Even though it may be embarrassing talk to those people because it will make it easier for them to understand. I talked to one of my friends about it and she made (and still makes) it a point to contact me on a regular basis even if its just to say "hello =)". It gave me the comfort of knowing that someone was always thinking about me and cared.
3. Inserting myself into situation where I would have to be alone or possibly rejected (auditions, interviews)
4. Finding stress relievers (writing, dancing, breathing techniques)
5. Praying or meditating. The reason this is one of the most helpful sources is because you have to do these things alone. No one can distress for you in these methods and people are sometimes distracting during these times of silences. 

Being alone does not mean that you are unworthy of love or companionship but instead is a time for you to work on yourself. During this time dive deep into parts of your life that you feel need work and make them excellent. Your drive to remain in the presence of someone can lead to many down fall, which are seeming desperate, forcing something that is not there and possibly loving someone more than you love yourself. Either way those are all possibilities that only hurt you in the long run. Make sure that you love yourself first and foremost because it took my UOM telling me, "your love is perfect and pure and selfless [...]and you realize that when you work on you work on loving you once you accept that you won't mind the time it takes for the perfect person to find you..." for my eyes to be opened. No matter how much I have loved others in my life, if the amount that I love them out weighs how much I love myself, the relationships will fail and I will always settle just to feel needed, loved or wanted. In the long run that is nothing. 


You have to know your self worth, and that people are being blessed/graced with your presence. As conceited as this may sound, it is the truth. If you allow everyone to be in your circle then there is nothing really special about it. The truth of the matter is that the only thing to fear is not being alone but letting in people that are not worth the time or the energy. I have come to realize that I would much rather be "alone" than taken advantage of. 

I am still working on my  Ornithophobia, which only developed after being attacked several times by birds. Little evil creatures *giggle*. I will conquer this fear one day to but until then my motto will remain, "Little evil things that are only good for one thing and that's being cooked on my plate!"

Questions? Don't be afraid to ask.

Useful Resources:

Loneliness

WHAT CAUSES FEAR OF REJECTION AND FEAR OF BEING ALONE?

Phobia List Help SItes 

Loneliness...Silent Fear

People are afraid of a number of things that others may find to be quite ridiculous but none-the-less, a persons fear can be paralyzing. Although people will try to fight it or act like everything is fine in their lives, they all have some fear or phobia that alters the way they perceive their surroundings or the way they act. 

For me I have several fears that I am not at all ashamed to admit: stairs (Bathmophobia), heights(acrophobia), birds (Ornithophobia) and most of all loneliness/ rejection. The first two I have been able to live a normal life and conquer them in one way or another by running up and down stairs to getting on a roller-coaster. In the midst of me conquering those two I have never been able to shake the fear of being alone, until now. 

Autophobia is something that starts from birth and some people grow out of it sooner than others. In order to get over the fear of being alone you have to come to terms with the idea that at one point or another you will be PHYSICALLY alone. That does not mean that you are alone in the world or that you are unloved but that at that very moment no one is PHYSICALLY around to keep you company. Once I was able to grasp that concept these are the things that I did to help get over my fear:

1. Preoccupy my time with favorite hobbies that do not require others company (ie reading, blogging, writing, planning surprises etc)
2. Surrounding myself with people who genuinely care about me and my well being
• Even though it may be embarrassing talk to those people because it will make it easier for them to understand. I talked to one of my friends about it and she made (and still makes) it a point to contact me on a regular basis even if its just to say "hello =)". It gave me the comfort of knowing that someone was always thinking about me and cared.
3. Inserting myself into situation where I would have to be alone or possibly rejected (auditions, interviews)
4. Finding stress relievers (writing, dancing, breathing techniques)
5. Praying or meditating. The reason this is one of the most helpful sources is because you have to do these things alone. No one can distress for you in these methods and people are sometimes distracting during these times of silences. 

I am still working on my  Ornithophobia, which only developed after being attacked several times by birds. Little evil creatures *giggle*. I will conquer this fear one day to but until then my motto will remain, "Little evil things that are only good for one thing and that's being cooked on my plate!"

Questions? Don't be afraid to ask.

Useful Resources:

Loneliness

WHAT CAUSES FEAR OF REJECTION AND FEAR OF BEING ALONE?

Phobia List Help SItes 

Realization

A lot of times life seems to throw curve balls at me and I never see them coming until its too late. The only option in life when these things happen is to react quickly. You never want to get hit by the ball but somehow manage to dodge it completely and with seeming ease.

I have hit many road blocks and some of them I have put there myself where others simply appear out of nowhere. Either way I need to be sure that I can recover and grow. I refuse to let thing stunt me or leave me crippled.

Break ups

Failing in school/ classes

Not getting hired

Financial Hardships

Arguments with friends

Family troubles

Bad health

Emotional Break downs

Those are just a few of the issues that a person could face but at the same time just because they are there does not mean that you are going to hit rock bottom. I have come to realize that life is all about the journey to reaching the top and climbing over the obstacles that threaten to take you down.

After all these years the one biggest curve ball is always related to matters of my heart. I am not good at rejection or being alone in the sense that no one wants to be around me. Lately the I could careless about being alone, actually I would rather be alone than deal with the rejection. I surround myself with people that continuously love me, while distancing myself from those who do not. In the long run, I grown more secure and loving, less stressed.

Some situations will have you go from singing one song to the next. 

Tender kisses got me missing you

I am not sure why

But I don't know what to do

Feeling lost

But not alone

I know if you aren't here

There are people by my side

Ride or die til the end

They may not be my lover

They are better

They are my friend

Poem about Teddy

Sep. 8th, 2006 | 04:06 pm


Each text
Each word
Every lie I heard
Ur face
Ur lips
The way u held my hips
The pics
The signs
How i denied
Its obvious to see that you looked past me.
I was hurt
I was angry
I was sad
I got mad
But then i realized i always knew you were full of lies
Sweet embrace
Lips I taste
And happy I will never again see ur face
Lil fly
Boy Bye-Bye
And I finally get to say "It was worth the try."
Thanks Teddy
U proved everyone ryt


Buh-Bye