People are afraid of a number of things that others may find to be quite ridiculous but none-the-less, a persons fear can be paralyzing. Although people will try to fight it or act like everything is fine in their lives, they all have some fear or phobia that alters the way they perceive their surroundings or the way they act.
For me I have several fears that I am not at all ashamed to admit: stairs (Bathmophobia), heights(acrophobia), birds (Ornithophobia) and most of all loneliness/ rejection. The first two I have been able to live a normal life and conquer them in one way or another by running up and down stairs to getting on a roller-coaster. In the midst of me conquering those two I have never been able to shake the fear of being alone, until now.
Autophobia is something that starts from birth and some people grow out of it sooner than others. In order to get over the fear of being alone you have to come to terms with the idea that at one point or another you will be PHYSICALLY alone. That does not mean that you are alone in the world or that you are unloved but that at that very moment no one is PHYSICALLY around to keep you company. Once I was able to grasp that concept these are the things that I did to help get over my fear:
Being alone does not mean that you are unworthy of love or companionship but instead is a time for you to work on yourself. During this time dive deep into parts of your life that you feel need work and make them excellent. Your drive to remain in the presence of someone can lead to many down fall, which are seeming desperate, forcing something that is not there and possibly loving someone more than you love yourself. Either way those are all possibilities that only hurt you in the long run. Make sure that you love yourself first and foremost because it took my UOM telling me, "your love is perfect and pure and selfless [...]and you realize that when you work on you work on loving you once you accept that you won't mind the time it takes for the perfect person to find you..." for my eyes to be opened. No matter how much I have loved others in my life, if the amount that I love them out weighs how much I love myself, the relationships will fail and I will always settle just to feel needed, loved or wanted. In the long run that is nothing.
- Preoccupy my time with favorite hobbies that do not require others company (ie reading, blogging, writing, planning surprises etc)
- Surrounding myself with people who genuinely care about me and my well being
- Even though it may be embarrassing talk to those people because it will make it easier for them to understand. I talked to one of my friends about it and she made (and still makes) it a point to contact me on a regular basis even if its just to say "hello =)". It gave me the comfort of knowing that someone was always thinking about me and cared.
- Inserting myself into situation where I would have to be alone or possibly rejected (auditions, interviews)
- Finding stress relievers (writing, dancing, breathing techniques)
- Praying or meditating. The reason this is one of the most helpful sources is because you have to do these things alone. No one can distress for you in these methods and people are sometimes distracting during these times of silences.
You have to know your self worth, and that people are being blessed/graced with your presence. As conceited as this may sound, it is the truth. If you allow everyone to be in your circle then there is nothing really special about it. The truth of the matter is that the only thing to fear is not being alone but letting in people that are not worth the time or the energy. I have come to realize that I would much rather be "alone" than taken advantage of.
I am still working on my Ornithophobia, which only developed after being attacked several times by birds. Little evil creatures *giggle*. I will conquer this fear one day to but until then my motto will remain, "Little evil things that are only good for one thing and that's being cooked on my plate!"
Questions? Don't be afraid to ask.
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