The One I Pushed Away

I'll admit it is my fault that you are gone and that I did push you away.
I'll also admit I didn't say everything that I had to say.
It hurt me to find that you had been with two others and that made me feel like my love was in vain.
That they had the chance to scream, moan and groan your name.
I haven't even had as much as a kiss but they've experienced all of this.


I'll admit that I had been with one.
Done somewhat out of boredom and not so much for fun.
So maybe I should not be hurt by those two, who you say don't match my worth.

I'll admit I cried again to my best friend.
I'll admit I lie and rather have you as more than a friend.


But you decided to leave me be.
And deep down I understand even though my heart doesn't want to let it be.
I'm sorry I hurt you once before,
But hopefully after this we'll hurt no more.

I'll admit you were the lining in all my clouds.
I'll admit apart of me I did vow was just for you.
I'll admit that there is more I could do.

The thing that scares me is the distance in between us for so long.
The fear of loving someone and them moving along.
The fear of caring and being left behind.
The fear of turning the table that one time.


I'll admit my fear ended this.
I'll admit it to you and the world.
The thing is there is a part of me that will always be the same scared lil girl.

I'll admit my past relationships have kept me from you.
I know that, that was them and never you!
I understand your frustration and feel your pain.

A silent tear runs down my face.
To my heart, your place.
I didn't think it would feel this way.

I'll have to admit that letting go is so hard to do.
What makes it worse is that I'm trying to let go of you.